i've shed many tears. of which, this hurts the most.

my family is what i value above all. the ones who watched me grow, i believe they're the ones who love me most. i love my dad, my mum and my brother. i respect my parents and i hope to gain the respect of my brother. i often hope my relationship with them is always harmonious and warm.

and now i feel like i've lost my brother's love. and my parents no longer know what to say to me. perhaps i could push the blame. perhaps i could deny my fault. but i know no one can make things this way if i don't want to. which means i'm the one who allowed things to become this dire.

i let this happen once before, and now i let it happen again. to drift away from the comfort of their love, to put distance and worry into our family conversations. i'm guilty of all these again. i thought i became smarter. i thought it will be right this time. but i forgot i cant change another person's viewpoint. i cant make them see my family's actions as love and not restrictions, their nagging as concern, their love as just wanting me to be happy.

we only want you to be happy, they say, and cause i know how true this is, i cant help but cry. i've let them down. i cant even fulfill their simple expectations that i never veer far from their love, even while seeking the love of my life.

the previous time, i did not regret my decision, though i occasionally hoped it could have been otherwise. this time, i am rapidly drained of resolve to hold on, and yet my heart hurts at the thought of leaving it all behind.

i would love for acceptance and an amicable relationship from both sides. but i cant have it, so now i'm left to choose. this situation cannot remain unchanged for long, i cant take it.

don't say i'm giving up so easily. you don't know how hard i try to change the situation. i'm guilty of leaning severely towards your viewpoint, and now i'm being awakened to the seriousness by my brother.

我的世界里，亲情至上。对不起，我不能把你当作我唯一的一切。